Pinterest Lies

I love flipping through Pinterest and searching for engaging new recipes to tackle. The pictures that some bloggers use for their recipe journeys are exquisite representations of food. I KNOW they are painstakingly crafted and are picture-perfect creations. Like any advertisement, they’ve utilized good color choices, perfect lighting, perfect angles, perfect looking complete meals. To catch and hold your interest on their site to consume their content and to get that recipe. It works. I’ve been hooked in again and again.

I mean… check out these gorgeous (healthy!) veggie nuggets that any kid would want to nom-nom-nom on.

https://www.realmomnutrition.com/veggie-nuggets/

Even knowing that these pictures are meant to sell a product doesn’t hold me back from at least hoping I can replicate some aspects of the gorgeous presentation. I mean, is it too much to ask that I achieve the same color of their bakes? No matter how hard I try, no matter how many hours of preparation, or challenge, or ease of a recipe… I manage to fuck it up.

Okay, some recipes I’m able to handle. You can’t really screw up mashed potatoes or biscuits and gravy. These aren’t the hard sells for the family and I don’t have to be as embarrassed as I was when I tried to make my daughter’s first birthday cake. That’s another story for another day.

Alrighty then. Attempt Number 500. I went to Real Mom Nutrition (link in picture above) and flipped through her lovely blog. Her description of creating these healthy, veggie nuggets didn’t seem that challenging. Use a food processor. Grind shit into a pulp. Smash them into chicken nugget shapes and fry them. Simple. Right? No. No it fucking isn’t.

It’s already not looking great since it’s basically green.

It’s green. All I had to do was grind things up. And somehow it’s very obviously green. The whole point of grinding things up and making fucking nugget shapes was to HIDE the vegetables in it from my children.

Now my food has the Green Kiss of Death

I didn’t panic too much at this point. I still had to slap breadcrumbs around them and shape them into nuggets. The addition of breadcrumbs could disguise most of the green – at least to the point my seven year old probably would take a bite.

So… about those breadcrumbs solving things…?

You can still see the fucking green

Looks like I’m cooking vomit in a pan.

I tried not to lose hope. We got the breadcrumbs on. We got some nugget shapes. It could still turn around. Or so I thought… until I looked away to redirect my son from trying to jump off our stairs. I only turned my back on the food for a second.

Fucking burnt

First batch was a disaster… the resulting batches I can say weren’t black with burn but they didn’t look as lovely as I had hoped. They still looked too green. Too crumbly. Too gooey. There was no salvaging this. So like any good mother, I put it on a plate and squirted some ketchup on it. I handed it to my oldest (my son gagged at the sight of them) and bribed her to try them.

Bless my sweet daughter’s heart she ate one without complaining. She even told me she liked the burnt ones better because they actually didn’t fall apart in her hand. I scrubbed those dishes up and walked into another room and tried really hard not to hit my head against the wall repeatedly.

This has to stop. No more Pinterest.

We all know that’s not true. Fuck it. On to the next recipe disaster…

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Jessica Means View All →

My professional background in biotechnology as a research chemist and as a veterinary technician has allowed me to have experienced two vastly different fields and for that I am thankful. In both careers, I have mentored, encouraged, and developed talent.

As a mother of two (a daughter and a son), I'm a self-proclaimed backyard chicken guru and someone who has “foster failed” nearly all the animals currently running the household. Oh, and I maintain a husband in my spare time.

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